Thursday, 7 May 2015

A very personal journey

Sometimes artists go through a dip, which is not always the lucky one. Inspiration has not showed up for days, motivation has run away and faith has all but broken the heart. I admit I am going through one of those dips. Many of these past days and weeks of mine, I would call 'dark nights of the soul', even though the soul in many ways have no darkness, only the mind does. Mind which, in my case, is often too active in worrying and finding problems, rather than looking at the bigger picture.

It is hard to be an artist. And stay true to who you are. And make a living out of your heart's work. Sometimes I feel like the identity of an artist is as fragile and delicate as that of a butterfly. I constantly question who I am but not only me - so does everyone else who looks at my work, or buys it. And who am I really, when 'being' is not a constant, straight line?

It is hard to find the smile at times. The smile which says it is fine to mess up, it is fine to be confused, not to have all the answers. Even not to smile at times.


My art and work is always evolving, like I am. Sometimes I feel like I want to curl up under the covers and make world go: STOOOOP! But of course that would be dreadful. There is nothing better than a promise of the unknown every single day. But that is also what makes life oh so scary and unpredictable. I know this is part of my creative and human process and I have always had these more or less lucky dips. It doesn't make it any easier when it happens, but in my heart I am pretty certain I will emerge from my cocoon, even though I don't know where, don't know when, or how many coloured spots I will have on my wings.

In the mean time, my hands can't stop making. It is strange to say this, but my art is often 'out of my hands', as it comes from a deeper place than those strange ten fingers. Luckily for me. Luckily I also have my family and children, who smile even when I can't muster one. And make me find the magical rainbows I missed because I only noticed the rain.

For all you out there who are waiting for their inspiration, it is within you - it just needs love and time to get it out. Take it easy.

Much love xx Heidi
'A Very Personal Journey' - black marker on paper

p.s. My new website is live, which is also mobile friendly. Please have a look and let me know how you get on with it. www.heidivilkman.com

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